Outrage over 'egg apron' gift reveals cracks in social media's traditional wife image

Hannah Neeleman is a 34-year-old Mormon, mother of eight children, and the winner of the Mrs America 2023 beauty contest (the equivalent of Miss America for married women). Remarkably, she participated in the Mrs Universe competition just 12 days after giving birth to her youngest daughter. She is also a popular influencer with millions of followers on Instagram and TikTok. On 21 July, a report from Ballerina Farm, where she lives with her husband Daniel, the son of an airline founder, was published.

The report was published in "The Sunday Times". The life on a remote farm did not amaze the article's author, Megan Agnew. She wrote about her attempts to conduct an interview with the influencer: "It seems that I can't get a response from Neeleman without her husband or child correcting, interrupting, or supplementing her." A few days after the text was published, a TikTok video went viral on social media, showing Neeleman unwrapping a birthday present from her husband.

In the video, shot by her husband, Hannah Neeleman unwrapped a small cardboard box covered in courier film. She said: "This is my birthday present from Daniel. I hope it's tickets to Greece." Instead of the dream trip, the box contained an apron with pockets for eggs. Like other "trad wife" influencers, Neeleman prepares meals for her large family "from scratch" with ingredients collected on the remote farm in Utah.

Social media followers couldn't believe Neeleman's husband's actions. The most popular comment under the post came from the official account of singer Ellie Goulding. She wrote: "Please, take her to Greece." Other commenters were also unimpressed. "He didn't wrap it, nor did he put it in a gift bag, and then says: 'you're welcome' before she even thanked him... disgusting." Another user added: "That 'you're welcome' sent me into a blind rage."

Many people on TikTok are critical of the content promoted by the Neelemans. The story of a former ballerina who, at the age of 21, quit a prestigious school in New York to marry Daniel has been portrayed as a perfect illustration of the internet hit "Labour" by Paris Paloma. The artist sings: "Just an accessory, living to please him. 24/7 a baby-making machine to fulfil his white picket fence dream." "Labour" has been called the "anthem of generational female rage" for women who for centuries couldn't decide about themselves and their lives.

In contrast to the criticism of promoting the "traditional wife model" on social media, some voices argue that these women have the right to make their own choices. TikToker @Sharon.a.life, who left the Mormon church, responded: "If you had asked me five years ago, I would have answered without hesitation that I was incredibly happy with the choices I made. Three years after leaving the church, I can say that I actually never had a choice."

The former "trad wife" continued: "The choices I was given weren't fair. It's like showing someone ten candy bars and saying: 'You can choose this candy bar that's good and you should choose, or you can choose these other nine that are lethally poisonous and if they don't kill you, they will surely kill all your friends and family. What would you like to choose?'" The TikToker emphasised that in Mormonism, sacrifice and suffering are seen as necessary ingredients of happiness, and believers are taught that any "happiness" outside of the church isn't real.

@Sharon.a.life summed up that whether traditional Mormon wives are genuinely happy and truly choose such a life depends on how we define "happiness" and "choice." She emphasised that for her, leaving the church was the first real choice she ever made. At the beginning of the video, she revealed that she is 38 years old, has six children and no education, but she ended the recording saying: "I didn't know life could be so wonderful."

It's worth noting that the "trad wives" we see on social media are not always what they seem. They are often the faces of "entertainment enterprises" that earn money from their social media presence. The Neelemans' farm is also a business selling meat, sourdough starter, rock salt, copper measuring cups, and wax candles, and the image crafted on Instagram and TikTok is their marketing activity.

When the author of "The Sunday Times" managed to exchange a few words with Hannah Neeleman in private, she asked the influencer if this was the life she had always dreamed of. Neeleman replied: "My goal was New York. I left home at 17 and was so excited to get there, I just loved that energy. And I intended to become a ballerina. I was a good ballerina." Juilliard, the school she left, accepts only 12 dancers each year. Neeleman added: "But I knew that when I started having children, my life would look different."