Unraveling the 'seven-year syndrome': How personal growth impacts long-term relationships

Every relationship encounters crises both small and large. Interestingly, experts have observed that a significant number of couples experience serious difficulties after seven to eight years of being together. This often results in breaking up. This pattern is so consistent that it has been coined as the "seven-year syndrome". One psychotherapist decided to delve into the reasons behind it.

Robert Taibbi had an enlightening chat with "Psychology Today" magazine. It was in this very conversation that he raised a topic that has been boggling his fellow practitioners for some time now.

While the question about this peculiar seven-year pattern's origin still does not have a definitive answer, the psychotherapist makes an insightful observation.

"At the start of your relationship, you were in need of something substantial in your life. An escape from your parents, some kind of stability, a child, or maybe just to feel valuable and cared for. These needs were often unspoken, but the other person fulfilled them. Unconsciously, you made a pact: I'll provide what you need most, and you'll do the same for me," Robert Taibbi suggests.

In the early stages of a relationship, we usually construct a schematic for our life with our partner. Over time, this becomes a routine that offers a sense of safety. But after a few years, this stability starts to feel unsettling. One or both partners may find the present state of affairs less than satisfactory. But why precisely after this period?

Robert Taibbi believes that the number seven isn't random. He suggests that it is roughly the duration of one's personal development cycle in adult life. Upon completion of this phase, our needs evolve. Not all couples manage to adapt to this transition together. They may then face an anxious period of two to three years, as they prepare for the next life stage.

The very same therapist also posits that it's almost impossible to evade a relationship crisis. However, emerging from it doesn’t necessarily signify the end of the relationship.