Post-argument intimacy: a solution to conflict or a way of avoiding dialogue?
Psychologists and psychotherapists on "Good Morning TVN" discussed whether being romantic with a partner after a conflict is an effective method to reduce friction. Though intimacy in relationships is immensely significant, experts pointed out that post-argument intimacy is not always the most optimal solution.
Opting for intimacy instead of conversation: "We are afraid"
Psychotherapist Jessica Kmieć highlighted that numerous couples, in the face of negative emotions, are incapable or indeed fearful of engaging in complex dialogue. "We are afraid of disputes in relationships, yet they are a natural and integral aspect of relationships," she elucidated.
Moving on, Kmieć stressed that discussing what transpired earlier, establishing a mutual perspective, and clearing up all uncertainties are key to resolving relationship issues.
"Following that, intimacy can be the icing on the cake, cementing this agreement. Firstly, we vent our feelings of hurt, annoyance and pain, then we can conclude this distasteful situation in a pleasant manner," she summarized.
"Many will identify with the experience of at least once retreating from an argument to sleep on the couch, avoiding the gaze of our partner or enduring days of silence. These outbursts lead to piled up problems, compounded stress, and the need to discharge it in some way," the expert explained.
Prioritise honesty, then desire
Psychologist Bartosz Śląski concluded that we should first resolve the conflict at hand, before moving on to intimate moments.
"Intimacy will certainly make people feel more connected. However, when it comes to happiness, individuals affirm being more united when they can address and solve problems," he observed.
Śląski explained that while post-agreement intimacy may lessen tension, silent days in the relationship could still persist for various reasons. "The other person would constantly live in this fear. It wouldn't contribute to the growth of the couple's bond," the psychologist continued. It's also vital to remember that what's colloquially known as reconciliation intimacy can adversely affect our relationship.
"If we transfer negative emotions such as anger, sadness, bitterness, regret or rage to the bedroom, this is not the resolution to our problem. Out of fear for conflict, one might believe that this method softens the situation. However, it's still akin to sweeping the problem under the rug," Jessica Kmieć clarified.
The psychotherapist reiterated that solving issues promptly and demonstrating effective communication skills are crucial during conflicts.
