Intimacy turmoil: Scheduled sex and the psychological toll of family planning

Family planning can be a significant part of many people's lives. Couples who want children but struggle with conception can often face distress. Intimacy and passion may dwindle in their pursuit to create a family, leading to a common issue identified among medical professionals and therapists - planned sex that lacks the closeness and attachment of intimacy.

Speaking in an interview with "Health Policy," psychotherapist Joanna Kot elaborated that infertility treatments often involve rigorous planning of intimate encounters between partners.

Doctors or mobile applications might point out the days with the highest chances of conceiving. Couples are then expected to stick to these designated days, irrespective of their sexual desire on those dates.

"This so-called 'sex on the clock' becomes less about seeking intimacy and mutual desire, and more of a chore, a duty to perform," stresses Joanna Kot.

Joanna Kot explains that such a procedural approach to intimacy might cause partners to lose their desire and feel stressed during these encounters.

"Apart from that, there is an added pressure and desire to have a child that ends up enforcing this routine. This can transform sex into an unpleasant experience, something to dread and avoid," Joanna Kot illustrates.

The expert further explains how such situations can lead to mounting frustration and a feeling of misunderstanding among couples.

In the same "Health Policy" discussion, psychotherapist Joanna Caffo indicates that a partner might experience physical symptoms like a headache, fatigue, or flu-like symptoms right before an intimate encounter.

"In psychology, we recognise that such somatisation can often indicate underlying issues. It could be a telltale sign that one or both partners are not fully committed to the efforts or prepared for parenthood," explains the specialist.

Caffo suggests that, at this point, it might be more important to regain the lost intimacy rather than enforcing the act.

"This can also signal the need for deceleration. However, it's vital to verify such indicators by engaging in an open and honest conversation," Caffo stresses.

Joanna Kot emphasises the importance of consulting professionals if you're experiencing any issues. Psychotherapists or even sexologists can provide guidance on how to reignite your dwindling libido.